Went to work ytd and after work meet Dear..had our dinner at Taka de Ajisen Raman..
After that we walked down to Esplanade..Saw those F1 think set up..HAHAS..we walk and joke around..
Okay..don continue le..Told you ii am intruder!!! DUMB!!

alrite..walking with Dear at nitex is so enjoying..
I love To walk with Dear and enjoy the NightView..

seriously..dunno wat else ii wanna write..but ii know ii realli enjoyed myself
Thanks to Dear..
For making my smile come back..
LOVE YOU yeahs!

in the morning, meet dear up... in the end she wake up late? den meet at later in the morning... still late for class. only after class things starts to happen.  no body like care what i did for the project... life seems like just go on with or without my part... tats is like i am very very angry... all my effort in the group is like nothing... i learn that i should not be a busy body anymore... i'm like so tired today... and things just keep coming to let me think here and there... its okie...its over now...when i am sitting outside ofa class. dear came and show her concern towards me and yes i still very angry. this few days i am very very very short temper. not sure what is happening to me... is it cause of my problem? i dun noe... and i just wonder why cant i throw my temper for like a day or an hour? i mean, last time when i am with her.... i am always at wrong... do right also say do wrong also say never do anything also say... now, dear is doing the same... and i can say one thing... "wordless"

through my toughest time, i'm there, still alone. ( just need to stay by my side) very hard? 

God bring me to this problem He sure will bring me thru it, Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lend not unto your own understanding... i guess He will have something special for me? or something the shock me to make me learn something. i dun noe. today i scold vuglar words just like my past... i still very impulsive in some of my act after so long of life journey. i really dun noe wat to say. today may not be the worse day after all. pass thru some kids den i ask myself..."why God place some kids infront of me?" i finally noe something... everything i do now, is my will not His will... and we ought to be like Children at heart. "blessed is the pure in heart, for they will see God" . i am making myself turning in to a complicated person...

i guess this is not the first time we have this kind of thing,
from the moment i never see her, i start to think of what is she doing? and stuff like that...
thought today will be a good day to study, cos she is beside me... but turn out to be like this.
i'm sorry if today i hurt you, but i hope u will be more understanding...
i wouldn't scold vuglar words again... remind me of this inccident.

ytd...suppose to be stressful and disappointed... but thanks to my dear... i somehow cheer up abit...after school, i send dear home but on my way back in the bus, my dad called me and ask for like.150 bucks? and i hang up the phone. why does my dad never change? he is the ONE that lend money from people and he wants to show attiude! what kind of father is this? portraying a fatherly role for us to act? come on dad! GET A LIFE! i'm sick of talking the same thing over and over again! i am like telling u nicely not to do those gambling stuff..but u straight away shoot me back dun talk to me abt ur Christianity... i mean like WHAT! i am like telling u nicely but you REFUSE to listen... lets see how you fall... 

but what is over is over... after i hang up the phone. me and dear go amk hub suppose to study but end up watching movie as dear is coughing in the library and i am like -___-"" cant study... so end up we watch money no enough 2... and seriously.. the whole concept of the story line is very similar to my family. my aunty uncle is all good person and my dad is a bad person. when i am watching the movie...i am thinking is my family thinking this way too? another strong point from the movie is that actually i may be poor on the outside but i am very very very rich in the inside...cos we got "love" i understand another part of God's words.. and i also agree with it. sometime in life, we can say to people around us that life is like this and life is like that but in the end, we know nothing! well... encourage ppl to watch money no enough 2. its a nice movie filled with expression. =)

oh yeah!!! thanks dear! ha ha! why? dear finally bough me something to wear! woots! woots! woots! its a nice green polo! and well...sorry abt the 15 bucks next time i will be careful with my words or else later you impulse purchase den blame me =( ha ha okie... after that we eat paris! and i promise her that every 1 month for us we go eat or something. ha ha i dun think she will reject ba? ha ha after that we keep hunting for her new shirt but sad  to say...nope..cant find anything =( one day, we sure will find it de! ha ha i intend to watch dark night but she wants to shop den i just follow her...its okie i never watch that movie cause there sure will be time ba. anyway, today dear say i seems abit moody. maybe because i spent too much den i keep tthinking of ways to get those money back... i noe that i cant keep taking money from my dad... cos one fine day he will just stop paying me back those money he own me! i got this feeling somehow.  i think i seriously have to get a job le. if not i really going to broke.

kinder stress for a kid like me huh... need to take care of dear, need to watch out for my family, need to watch out for our pet and need to do the project with is like sharks!!! very long! haiz... i go back do my project le...

its been a week sincei  blog or update. been lazy all awhile... okie my life have been great so far, and maybe things had happen during this week. first, i found a new HOBBY! squash is like so fun! ha ha... but i have my limit in sports...cant act like before. but its okie..i may sometime throw my temper against my "so call active body" cause i am not what i am use to be anymore. with a leg that have deform ankle. a hand that is replace by a metal piece on its bone. a brain damage person. however, all this is not a limit to me anymore... but i am still human always think the negative side so sometime will throw some temper. sorry to those people to seen me in that shape. actually, with all those history of injuries... i have found that i can play musical instrument well...see! God have maximum my talent! and use me well! but i always give God dissapointment...=( sorry Lord...

second things, this week actually i can blog or update. but i choose not too. one reason i am lazy? another reason is i am thinking abt a qns. "what is actually r/s for?"  and i pray abt it and start thinking abt it and asking people their view. cause i only have 2 girlfriend.. one is her another is you dear. and i wan this r/s to be a healthy and good one. so i ask around people for their view in r/s. have some answers and i think abt it. i find that all their answer is very "outward appearance" (say in chinese) and thats the different between a non believer and a believer. non believer have r/s for the sake of just having r/s and have a person to talk to in times of needs. believer have r/s for a mission if i can say that? help each other in their fallen part and become more like Christ. thats our goal. Christ have to be in the center of everything and things den can go well.. there maybe times of argument however those are time that sharpens oneself thought and motivate each others to more forward in life. 

we are born in a sinful world... we are unworthy to be called His children but because of His love..and Grace...we are...
                                                      
                                                      we are...
                                                                      who we are...
                                                                                              by His Grace and mercy...



dont think too much... i am here for you
if i am not here, Jesus is always there=)
you are not walking alone in the Dark anymore dear
be strong, i know you and i do understand u.
not that i din try i did and i do know you abit.
but you always dun share with me your problems
how am i suppose to understand more abt you?
you are good enough for anybody. and...
i do understand why yo are so demanding in your r/s
cos of your formal broken r/s..there is a shadow.ur fear.
don't worry...those have been taken care of. He have take everything 
the dark side, your lonely, your fear. 
jia you ar! you are good enough for me.. 
                                                                i din ask for more...  
                                                                     just be by my side...

3 JULY  08
today is great. okie... first thing first... in the morning, meeting up dear. i accompany her to her work place. suppose to bring my bible along but i forget to bring! thank God that she remind me that i shouldn't keep playing my PSP and yes! i should control. at 9.45am waiting for dear and yes! she is late again? ha ha... but i'm fine.. i use to wait for girls anyway. take 133 to bugis. on the way to bugis, she kept saying that she wants to go to the toliet!  and okie when we reach the stop, she rush out the bus and so do i? she pull me in a hurry manner? but she look cute =) 
 
after that, open the store and we start the business going! sales isn't that good. haiz... i accompany her till 5.30pm. as jie ying, yi tan and hui ming arrive shortly. and we start talking about dino pa pa and dino ma ma? its so fun la. suppose to meet up for dinner at noodles house but we end up eating beside noodles house and thought is noodles house? i myself is thinking " why noodles house change so much? even the menu change?"
after eating... we start walking towards fusion pool and LOL.... noodles house is beside us! and we are like....LOL! we been eating at a shop that we dun even know? ha ha!!! thats really.....LOL! 
after pooling... suppose to get something for dear..but opps! i forgotten... she suddenly msg me she wants BBT so i get her BBT( sry din mean to forget de ) after we went home together by MRT not by bus le. ha ha she scare she need to use the toilet again? so yeah... today i know one more thing about dear.... when she wants food better get her food if not.. she will like...=_="... de.  overall...today i pei dear almost the whole day? and have fun too =) at the push cart or with dinos nu er. thank you Lord.... 

Dear heavenly Father,

i remember few days back, i start to think that PSP is getting in my way to know you more, so i start fasting on my PSP. however, i think alot... what i have done. be it the wrong things and the right things. i reflected and i finally knew why i feel so dry in spiritually... cause, i haven't been a good boy. i feel so wrong... so i started to pray...pray for mercy and forgiveness.... pray for wisdom to deal with the wrong things...

well... i have find out my problems now and i'm trying to amand it now... or can say improve myself?.. today when i sit down and play PSP.. dear also playing... but she say something that i talk alot.... maybe... i really talk alot... may God control my mouth...and tongue... 
seriously speaking... Lord, i have try to understand every movement of human...in terms of their decision, or action... i observe people carefully... but still... there is people i cant understand... and those people is people that are close to me...

i don't know why, if You bring me to it, You will bring me thru it...cause by looking at those people... i feel some pain and bitterness in my heart... i cant release out. dear God... i hope i won't explode one day? if that day comes again... i think no one will want to see that side of me again... 

sign off...
ur heavenly Child swee koon 
 

                                                            i'm scare Lord...being alone... 

                               peace i leave with you, my peace i give you. i do not give what the world give you. 
                               do not trouble your heart or be afraid
                                                                                                     John 14:27

1 JULY 2008
ytd morning, wake up psp. ok... i think i have been focusing way too much on my psp! so ytd night i decide something..
fasting on my psp! 

how long will my fasting be? till i get my habit of reading the bible back =) but i cant do this alone cause i'm a forgetful person.
dear remind me! =)
in the afternoon, meet up with dear. suppose to go tanning with her but i don't feel like tanning and the weather is like..." NO SUN"
so if we go tanning will be like waste of money! ha ha. excueses la... i just don't want to go ha ha! we hang around in AMK hub after that eat new york new york. have fun in new york new york. its great to see dear smile, its adorable =) after that we when for snooker =) 
ok, i maybe better in pool, but snooker i'm just a noob. hows the orange strip ball that u focus on? HEE HEE

around 5 plus we reach vivo city! looking for her BLA and we do some window shopping. when we sit down or waiting for anything, PSP again... then we move around to look for part time job and glad that timezone is looking for part time=) thank God! i need to earn back all the money that i have spend=)  we are like crazy over basket ball in the timezone. after eating BASKET BALL. sweat sweat abit=) i got a habit is that in the afternoon, i cant eat if not i will turn down and go to sleep mood( haha ) but at night i eat i won't sleep. why ar? at night i more active and the day less active ha ha!!!

Ytd is our 1 month dear, hopefully the outing we have is a memorable one? but we did nothing in special. so yeah... sorrry=(  
what you think abt ytd? ha ha!  fun?! carl's JR! your mouth is so big! 
and thanks dear for ur motivation on my blogging habit? ha ha every week once hor! i also long time never type in my learning also. next post! ha ha! misses!

its been a few days that i updated my journal? been lazy all this while... mmm... 
few days back..something very special happen...why i say it special? cause i learn another things about human. sometimes its funny...you won't see the wrong in you unless someone told you! 
and thats what happen to me. i find that i got another point that i should improve.  sorry dear, i don't mean to de... i really is a forgetful person. in terms of what i say before and now? hope you understand... but i will change. =) 

today nothing happen? whole day playing psp and watching prison break with dear... so no life lor? ha ha ! thank dear for downloading new songs for me and always be there for me. =)  
 
i love dear alot =) thank God that i can meet someone that is so kind =) i am going to train hard to clear my flabbies! dun let dear play with it! hpmh!  however...i can play with dear's flabbies! ha ha! sun tan tml! hopefully the rain won't come ha ha!.... oh my... tml going to spend money again ha ha! control man control! must pray =) okie i lazy to type more le going to have fun tml! 

 few days din really update this, well... i'm doing it now =) 
ok.. today is another simple day for me... suppose to got to gym and bottle tree park but in the end... lazy is the word -_-"
i DO find myself getting fat lately... sooner or later will have butterfly effect! ha ha! don't know what is that right? for more information about butterfly effect.  go google and seach for it=)  

meet dear today at 6pm.  she wanted to watch the movie "get smart" even though she is not smart to understand it? (joking!) 
ok...overall, its a comedy plus romance movie. very nice! its funni and the rock is in the act! watch it with dear and she is like..." i want to sleep..." my goodness, pay 7.50 to sleep in the cinema -_-" 

after the movie, we went to zone X and spent some bucks on a single pillow and alot alot of sweets that is enough for 2 weeks? 
after all...this is the first present  we get together.  looking her smile makes me smile=)  this present is meaningful too. first couple present! YAHOO!  after that both of us play basket ball. short of 5points only! wat a waste... didn't know that i can shoot that well. ha ha! then we go on with detona. dear did u see the DRIFT?  at the last lap?! ha ha i guess u will rememeber it. heehee. nice day with dear and  i love to go out with her too. never fails to sweeten my heart =) smile more my girl....

i know how you feel being use, i also have this feeling before... remember? topshop stuff? ha ha... i go home and think abt it, if i can get discount for her and build a closer relationship so that i can spread Gospel to her. i will get that discount for her.  but dear... i'm not asking u to throw money from the sky or something. if u feel that ur money is just neing use for no reason, i guess it time u should ind those peeps and sit down to talk over it. at the sametime.. maybe you can spread God's good news? right dear? 
                                                                                                    always look on the bright side of life....

today, there is a few things happen... first i have to pass some stuff to simin. some clothing... earn some bucks ha ha. okie, today my leg very pain. cos my skin crack due to the very cold air con that time.  the whole day today play PSP. i thought i will meet up dear, in the end never? *hai me bring ur psp* but its all good, not heavy also. after choir. mei and me go to night market at woodland course way. its been a long time i have spent some personal time with her... well...  she is kinda important to me(hope u understand dear) she an Angel send by God, thank you Lord. =) cause she is the first to affirm my states and my position. 
 
 i remember that time, at her bday party? when she intro me to her friends, she say " ok everyone! tis is my kor kor" i am like so happy. she did make the wishes come true. ha ha! surprise! ha ha.

after the night market we when in causeway to walk around, looking for dear's present? ha ha (bleah!)...

she got what she want and i got what i want...after that we i treat her eat ice cream =) yummy!... 
we sit outside causeway, she ask alot of qns abt me and dear.
first she ask me do i still like....yup my reply at first is er....(thats means yes) however, right now...happy to say that i finally found someone who love me for who i am and what i am. and i sure will cherish that person who do it! (thats u dear) slowly...i find out that er... is not yes.. actually because i hate her the way she treat me before, and the bottom line is...i wan her to feel 10 times my pain... however, my mei told me not to do that.. she say love her as sis in Christ.
actually, after i found dear... i guess i have already forgiven her. i told mei that i'm happy with dear now... dun wish to have more complicated things around me.   she agrees with me... well...spenting some quality time with my mei and off we go home =)  

dear... i'm ready =) love me more =) i miss u much....

this few days, i been very thristy... no physically.. but spiritually... 
 i feel very dry... i need prayer but what the use of prayer if we don't do our best in reading God's word and truely understand it?( its useless if our prayer is without adoration)
i really need Him to lead me... this 2 days i have been like wasting time on my PSP. but well, a bit of leisure will do but i spent my whole day watching tv and playing! ( i'm sorry Lord ) =( may You forgive me...
thank God that i always remember to pray before i go to bed, however sometimes my prayer is just an empty prayer.. what do i mean by that? i kept asking things from God but didn't really ask Him what does He wants...=(
dear is sick.. her throat is not feeling well... pray for her ba =) ytd, she kept *ah chooing* i guess she got a cold le still tell me she alright. ai yo, you lack of sleep la..can u like sleep more? today have newurbanmale interview...hope that nothing will go wrong..

ok time for sharing!
 
today, i am going to share abt when we sing praises to Him do we really mean it?

DO not be afraid or discourage. for the Lord your God is with you where you go.
"the Joy of the Lord is your strength"

we should be decent and true in everything we do, so that everyone can approve of our behavior.

• Don't participate in wild parties and getting drunk, or adultery and immoral living, or in fighting and Jealousy.

let the Lord your God take control of your life.

• Don't indulge in our evil desires
• Do we reall appreciate the good things that God does for us and through us?
• IF so, let your praise to Him reflect how we really feel.

                                                                                             praise God....thank God....

finally! CA1 over, however got to prepare for CA2 which is going to happen in like another month time? ha ha... kinda so not prepare! well... 3 weeks of holiday guess have to pack myself on the project. ytd send dear home and she is like...naming all the food that she wans to eat!!! my my my...but well, i'm tired so i guess nothing goes in? ha ha

but ytd, i'm all beat out. wondering why myself... slept on the bus 25, then after that slept on bus 804. i reach home about 3.30? after that change and sit infront of my computer and start my prison break season 2!!! cant sleep anymore, don't want to be name as pig.

today is the starting of my holiday, kinda free and well... no more studying for now only. just want to relax for today and go for job hunting on monday. see if dear will follow me ma. also have to get discount for my friend. sometime...i really wonder...is people using me or really treating me as a friend? dear asked me some queastion before, about what am i hiding from her... seriously, i think its not about her nor dear... i just felt very very tired... not physically...its mentally. no one can help only Jesus can release me from this knot in my life. i am not a expressive type of person... i don't know how to expess my though and feeling... only through body langues.... 

ok sharing time! ha ha... here goes nothing!
today i read a few verse and think on it...

"If the Lord delight in a man's way, He makes his step firm"
                                          Psalm 37 : 23-24

the person in whom God delights is one who follows God, trust Him, and tries to do His will.  God watches over and makes firm every step that person takes.  if you would like to have God direct your way, then seek His advice before you step out. 
how to seek His advice?

• through prayer
• and reading of God's word

" The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; Do not be Discourage"
                                                                                                                                                                                       Deuteronomy 31 : 8

no one or anything in the world can seperated the Love of God from us.
                                                                                                                                      God is Love....

well i guess today i have much fun! in school or at home? ha ha well... in school i got alot of ppl to bully? including my dear =) ha ha! 
 today, during OFA, alvan is like comparing to a guy on friendster. who is more handsome. ha ha i think alvan win le ba? but seriously, its the heart that tells ma... you can have handsome or beautiful body or faces or both! but ugly in the inside?. 
mmm...after school, dear finally send me home! ha ha and in my house somemore!  i intro my mum to her and my brother to her... overall is positive and sweet? i push dear on to my bed today due to something i dun wish to eleborate later she not happy again! ha ha ok...sharing time! here goes nothing! 

today, i'm talking abt james 4:1-17
its the whole chpt 4... 

verse 1-3
 james explains that these quarrels results from evil desire battling with us.
 however, james tell us that instead of grabbing what we want, we should submit ourselve to God, ask God to help us get rid of our selfish desires, and trust to give us what we really need!
verse 2-4
 james mention the most common problems in prayer is not asking, is asking with a wrong motive.
 seek God's approval for what we intend to do. our prayer become powerful when you allow God to change your desires so that they perfectly correspond to His will for you.
having a pleasurable life is nothing wrong, God gives us good gift so that we can enjoy! however, pleasure that keep us from pleasing God is sinful; Pleasure from God's rich bounty is good! 
verse 10
Humbling ourselve means recognising that our worth comes from God alone. to be humble involves working with his power according to his guidance, not with oun independent effort.Althought we do not deserve God's favour, He reaches out to us in love and gives us worth and dignity, despite our human shortcoming.

"humble yourselve before the Lord, and He will lift you up"
James 4:10

~~world strongest men is a men that can control oneself!~~
~~A repentance Heart brings hope~~

                                                                                                                  If God is willing, i will live......

its great going out with dear, i can see so much beautiful sight.  with her around, i am happy cos she won't fail to bring me smile.
ytd we went out and walk walk and we talk talk also (lame) ha ha.
 dear always sleep late late... always told her not to sleep late or to sleep early. end up, 2 or 3am sleep =(
dun wan to see eye bag arund your eyes! ha ha lazy to type more le share my learning with you.

ok today i will share 1 timothy 2 =)

this verse is talking abt.... 
 Who is Jesus to us? 

• our loving Father?
• Just a ATM machine? 
• HOW IS OUR PRAYER LIKE
  
  - Pray for our needs without seeking God's righteous and His Kingdom?
  
                                                                 or
  
  - Confessing our unworthy to God and seek a closer relationship with God?
  
  in the first place, we attend Church is already a Grace given by our heavenly father or even cell group.
  
  * God wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth (2:4)
• God love the whole world! do not assume that anyone is outside God's mercy or beyond the reach of His offer of salvation 

• for there is only one God and one medator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus...  (1 tim 2:5)

verse 2:6
 Jesus gave His Life as a ransome for our sin.

• Gave His Life in exchange for our Life
• He paid our penalty of sin.

do we pray with adoration and have a heart that is seeking Jesus, by having a closer relationship? 
                                                                               or
we just take things for granted, and treat Jesus as our ATM? or just a person that provide our needs?

remember, we are not worthy at all at the first place......

dear...its not how much you type in is how much you learn and put to use in your life =) be a person worthy of God and man =)